I spent some quality time with a family member (by marriage) today. No, this is not the one who sent the snarky emails to many of my friends earlier this week, but they are very closely linked genetically. This person stood in my house and did the following things:
1.) Said to my 11-year-old son: “The only numbers women care about are the size of their boobs and ass.” I heard from the other room, walked in and said (loudly): “I suppose that depends on the sort of women you’re hanging out with.”
2.) He used the N-word within hearing of my children.
3.) He told a racial joke about Mexican-Americans.
4.) He told a story about a bride in the family opening her wedding gifts (one I’ve heard at least twenty times before) that ends with the punchline, “I think I’ll open the ones from Tiffany’s first.” He thinks that’s charming.
5.) He told my eldest (who was just trying to get out of the house and go to work) that he was too skinny, but he’d gain weight when he got married and got his appendix taken out (WTF?)
6.) He harassed children in the family (not just mine) for not eating everything on their plates, even when it was ice cream. Really, have we not gotten past the “clean your plate” mentality?
7.) Discussed a cosmetic surgery procedure he’s considering – at age 75.
8.) Called my dog the wrong name . . . twice.
9.) Told me about a very sentimental and nostalgic gift he’d sent for the arrival of a new baby in the family – it almost made me cry.
I guess this is why people still get together for family events. I thought I could see the 666 on his scalp, but perhaps it was just a rash.