What I Lack . . .

What I lack is a sense of direction.  I don’t just mean I get lost easily – I have absolutely no sense of direction.  I can only identify East or West if I’m outdoors at sunrise or sunset.  I never get North or South right.  I can drive someplace a half dozen times and then get hopelessly lost the next time I try to go there.  I once ended up in another state just trying to go to the bank.  I’ve worked in the same hospital for about fifteen years and I still give visitors wrong directions when they ask.  I just consider this deficit part of my genetic makeup.  Some people are color-blind or have a second toe longer than the first.  I am directionally challenged.

 

Thankfully, my husband has a GPS in his head and the patience of a saint.  I can’t count the number of times this conversation has occurred:

me (sobbing): “I’m lost!”

Michael: “It’s OK.  Did you get off at the wrong exit?  Do you know what street you’re on?”

me: “I don’t know!”

Michael: “Just tell me what you see around you and I’ll figure out where you are.”

me:  “I just passed a Thornton’s.  And there’s a huge magnolia tree.  A Southern Magnolia, not a Star Magnolia.  And a nail salon.”

Like a said – patience of a saint.

Anyway, these days I call Michael a little less often.  I have my iPhone, which has nifty directional apps, and I usually keep the Garmin we got for Christmas in my car.

If you don’t have one of these and are directionally challenged you really must get one right away.  I have mine set to speak to me in a comforting male voice with a British accent.  He does sound a bit snarky, though, when I miss a turn and he says, “recalculating”.  My favorite feature?  If you’ve totally had it and your brain has turned to mush you just push the button labelled “Home” and wherever you are the nice man talks you all the way home.  It’s like Dorothy clicking her heels three times.  I just hope the next upgrade has an option that will include horticultural landmarks.  Hearing “After the lovely redbud tree turn right” would make me very happy.

I’m linking up to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, and I’m thrilled she included my suggestion as one of her prompts this week!

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26 thoughts on “What I Lack . . .”

  1. Wait a minute ….. how did I miss that you got a Garmin for Christmas?

    I think you need to download the Irish fellow, or Australian guy instead. 🙂

  2. OMG, thank God that in Santa Barbara, the mountains is north, the beach is south (yeah, I know, but once I figured that out life was much better)…our “north”, i.e. the 101 fwy’s north, is actually west…ha ha ha …what a cruel joke to play on people when they can see the beach pretty much every second they’re in this town…you get the idea….♥

  3. Love it! Hilarious. I love the part about the horticultural landmarks. That’s a great suggestion. Patent it before someone else does!!

  4. Ahhh. Totallllllly know what you’re talking about. I can get lost in a telephone booth. Seriously. I need a Garmin. A reassuring. prepossessing, know-it-all British accent would totally help. Or I could keep relying on my own saintly husband, who, (like yours) puts up with all my directional challenges. Sigh. Thank God.

  5. I, too, have no sense of direction. Example.

    Once, I was in my brother’s car in downtown San Francisco and he was driving. He lives there (OK, Palo Alto). I don’t. I don’t even live in the States. So he gives me a map and says, here, read it and tell me where to go. I tried. We were driving round in circles. The conversation went like this:

    Brother: Why are you telling to turn left onto this street? There’s no such street!

    Me: It says so here on the map, turn left.

    (repeat, rinse about 8 times)

    Turns out, the main road we were on is really long. And I was looking at it from the wrong end. As in, we were south and I thought we were north.

    Fun times.

  6. My lack of direction is metaphoric. I’m not sure where I am, where I want to be, and I certainly don’t know how to get to any desirable destination… so I wander about aimlessly & see things that I otherwise might not have. Wanna trade?

  7. My hubby recently bought a GPS for himself.. it really beats having to call me up and asking me from the road he is which why should he turn- left or right.. even though he too has been there like a “thousand” times before.

  8. I’ve always had a decent set of directions… living in Tucson where there are 4 very distinct sets of mountains surrounding us. One is straight North, one South, etc. Easy peasy.
    Then I moved in San Francisco where the streets curve and all you can see are (beautiful, historic) buildings. I have never, EVER, been so lost in my life. For, like, the 8 years that I lived there. Then I had to move back. It was just getting embarrassing.

  9. I have (thankfully) a good sense of direction but I freak the heck out if I ever get lost. It rarely happens, but it results in tears & shaking.

    To keep things interesting on long trips, I do have “Paco” speaking Spanish on one of my Magellan settings.

  10. So I’m getting in the car yesterday to head down to Tumbleweed by the river. I ask Brett what exit I should take. He says, ” I’m not sure. I could tell you if I were driving.” Does that make any sense?

  11. I’ve learned to just turn in the exact opposite direction that I think I should; my instincts are always wrong, so I just override them.

  12. OK the truth is I have a great sense of direction. I never get lost and still use maps to figure out the way. But I could easily get lost trying to follow a cook book…

  13. Okay, you failed to mention that you were pregnant when you ended up in another state! No one should be held responsible for crazy hormone times. Directionally challenged maybe….probably, but the most brilliant person I know. You can read a book before I can complete a chapter and you will remember every detail you read and I can’t remember the main character. And you make me laugh! Love ya!!!

    1. SNORT!! Yeah, but I haven’t been pregnant in like, thirteen years, and I still get lost all the time. I don’t think I can use that excuse anymore. It would be like saying my fat butt is “baby weight” 😛

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