Poison Ivy Topiary

I do NOT have a green thumb.  I can usually make plants die just by giving them a dirty look.  Not poison ivy, though.  We’ve lived here seventeen years and I have battled poison ivy every year.  When we moved here I’d never reacted to poison ivy at all, but after a few years of ripping it out of the ground, off the walls of our house, out of fence rows, and off the trunks of trees I finally started reacting.  Just a little a first, nothing some benadryl and calamine lotion wouldn’t fix.  But each year it got worse.  So now I don a full hazmat suit before doing yardwork, shower with dish detergent as soon as I come inside, and still end up on high-dose steroids looking like a leper.  I’ve used vats of weed killer to no avail.

This one is near the swing. It wants to wrap around my ankles while I sit reading a book.
This one's trying to sneak in my bedroom window.

I surrender. The poison ivy is never going away. So why not embrace it? Figuratively, of course. How about poison ivy topiaries? I thought I’d start out simple, with a wreath:

Because nothing says "Welcome" like a poison ivy wreath, right?

And perhaps for the side of the house a classy, understated espalier:

The neighbors will love this, right?

But what I’d like to work toward, my poison ivy piece de resistance, if you will, would involve this:

Topiary Squirrel

Because I hate squirrels, particularly the mutant ninja squirrels that live in my backyard, and I hate poison ivy. So why not combine them? Perhaps the poison ivy would die of humiliation from being forced into a squirrel shape, or maybe the squirrels would be intimidated by their leafy green counterpart and decide to relocate.  I’m open to suggestions.

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5 thoughts on “Poison Ivy Topiary”

  1. My personal favorite is the Welcome Wreath. I really want one of those for my door. There are a few people in the family that have a real problem with poison ivy. That should take care of a few visitors. Not you my darling!

  2. Lol, you are absolutely right…..nothing says Welcome then poison ivy wreath. Thanks for the chuckle….and for dropping by my place.

  3. Okay, that is freakin’ HILARIOUS! I am diggin’ the squirrel. You caould make a MINT if you really figured that out! : ) Thanks for the smile this morning!

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