Aaron is a Sophomore in college this year, and is sharing a dorm suite with three other guys. Against all odds, it’s evidently going very well, but worrying about it brought back memories of my college roommates. The title of this post, by the way, is a nod to my most popular guest post, the hilarious Dianna‘s “Ex-Boyfriends Are The Devil“.
My first roommate Freshman year was a glassy-eyed little blonde who had already been living in our room a week when I moved in. She got there a week early for sorority rush, and was loathe to give up any closet or dresser space, or to move all the crap she had piled on my bed. As time went on I noticed she threw her dirty laundry into a pile in the bottom of the closet, and that she left half-eaten food and half-full sodas sitting around indefinitely. She sat random unwanted objects in the hallway outside our door, as if she expected someone to come by and pick them up. When all her clothes got dirty she went shopping. On more than one occasion I arrived back at our room and found a stranger asleep in my bed, someone she’d invited to stay over. It turned out she came from a very well-to-do family and was used to having a personal maid pick up after her, which explained a lot. Unfortunately, she was also as dumb as a box of rocks. Mummy and Daddy must have bribed the college well to get their little princess admitted, because she couldn’t even spell ACT, let alone score decently on it. She didn’t pass a single class and didn’t return for the next semester.
For the Spring semester I got a new roommate. She was a meek, mousy-looking little thing, and I thought I’d hit the jackpot. She had started college a semester late because it had taken her a long time to talk her very conservative and religious parents into allowing her not only to be exposed to the evils abundant on college campuses, but to actually immerse herself in them by living there. I asked politely about her religion, just to make sure I wouldn’t do or say anything in her presence that she might find offensive. She rattled off a very long church name, and then told me how she often handled poisonous snakes and spoke in tongues. She ended up being my favorite roommate because about two weeks into the semester she discovered sex, and was out all night with a different guy every night after that. I don’t think I saw her again until move-out day.
My Sophomore year the first thing I noticed about my roommate was that she sported a “tail”, which for those of you too young to remember was a thin strand of hair at the nape of your neck that was allowed to grow a foot or so longer than your other hair (which was usually buzz-cut) and braided. She had two great loves in her life: The Andy Griffith Show and The Talking Heads. We somehow always had Andy playing on the TV (and this was 1985-1986 folks – it’s not like there was an Andy Griffith Channel or anything) and The Talking Heads on her stereo. It was an odd mix, and even all these years later I can’t hear the theme to The Andy Griffith Show or Burning Down the House without thinking of her.
What are your roommate horror stories? Let’s have ‘em! I’m linking this up to Share Your Awesome at Momma Made it Look Easy
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