I’ve always said I’d do anything for my children, but I really didn’t expect I would end up experiencing pre-wedding jitters before my eldest’s wedding while he remains calm and stress-free. That’s what seems to be happening, though. The muscles in my neck, back, and shoulders are locked in spasm, I can’t sleep, and I jump at every loud noise. With two large, loud dogs my the house that’s a lot of jumping every day. Probably enough to count as a cardio workout. I have this free-floating anxiety I described to a friend earlier this week as a sense of impending doom.
Before this goes any further let me state that I’m thrilled about the wedding, looking forward to the festivities, and I adore my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. I have no idea where these feelings are coming from. I can only assume that since Aaron is so laid-back someone had to get stressed for him, and it fell to me. I went from my usual high-strung self to off-the-charts, incapable-of-function stressed about the time we hit the one-month-to-the-wedding point. I can’t concentrate, so I haven’t been writing. I’m pushing through this post hoping that by putting what I’m feeling into words I’ll be able to get a handle on it.
Any moms out there experienced this? I could understand it more if I were the mother of the bride – she has a lot to do. But Catherine’s mother is taking everything in stride even though she’s remodeling her whole house at the same time. I’m helping with decorations this Saturday, so I’ll get the scoop then. Perhaps she just falls apart more quietly than I do, but I don’t think so. I think she’s actually fine.
I can’t blame it on having too many things going on at once. Yes, I’ve been waiting for about six weeks to get a date for my disability hearing and that does feel rather like waiting for the axe to fall. My pain management doc’s assistant changed my medications and I don’t think the new muscle relaxer works as well as my old one (see “muscles locked in spasm” above), but I’ve been through much worse since my fourth cervical spine surgery. John just brought home a fantastic report card and is looking forward to high school and marching band. Michael’s enjoying his new job.
Hmm. I think this little exercise may have worked. I do have several major life changes going on right now. Even though all of them except the pain/disability issue are positive they are still major life changes. Spouse changing job, youngest son accepted to competitive magnet high school and auditioning for competitive marching band, eldest son getting married. Yep. Add that to the constant pain that has been my baseline for years and being pretty twitchy makes sense.
Thank you to any who have read this far in my ramblings. Now I’m going to go find that relaxation CD I bought several months ago and listen to it!