Graduations and Dildo Jousting

— 1 —

Yes, you read the title correctly. Be patient and we’ll get there. I’m taking this chronologically.

— 2 —

Last Saturday my son Aaron and my daughter-in-law Catherine graduated from Morehead State University. I’m so proud of both of them I could just burst. Believe it or not, I got through the entire thing without a tear being shed. It brought back memories of my own college graduation and what a huge relief it was to finally be finished with school – to get a job and actually get paid for working hard. But then this tiny little longing reappeared, as it does infrequently, to go to graduate school. Not nursing, of course, but perhaps Marketing or Creative Writing. But for me that’s like seeing an adorable baby and thinking, “Oh, I’d love to have another one” for about five seconds until reality kicks in and I start laughing hysterically. And, BTW, it was the most well-mannered group I’ve ever seen gathered for a graduation. MSU knows how to do things properly!

— 3 —

John’s really excited about being section leader for the bass drums, and they had their first drumline practice this week. He’s already setting up elaborate practical jokes to pull at band camp this summer, and I’ve already have to repeat one of my parenting rules: “I refuse to take you to the ER for doing something stupid.”

— 4 —

He also took his first AP exam – Human Geography. He came home feeling like his brain had been sucked out his ears, so it was a good test. He hadn’t done any extra prep, and only had a B in the class going into the test, so I’m not expecting spectacular results. It was a good first experience, though. Now he’ll better understand the level of study needed for future exams (I hope).

— 5 —

We were really worried about Boss earlier this week. He didn’t eat for a day and a half. He has a sensitive tummy anyway, but that’s longer than he’s ever gone before. I’d tried hand-feeding him green beans while he lounged in our bed and I told him what a good dog he was, but he wouldn’t even nibble. Then Michael stopped by Kroger on his way home and bought a jar of coconut oil, which we’d been out of for a few days. It has many wonderful uses, one of which is to add to dogs’ diet to help with GI and coat health. One teaspoon of coconut oil and Boss scarfed down his food as fast as Sam does. Yep, the dog was on a food strike until we met his demands for coconut oil. We may not train dogs well in this house, but we sure know how to spoil them.

— 6 —

Here’s the latest game the band members are playing at John’s high school. It started with the drumline, spread throughout the band, and will probably end up with someone’s parents in the principal’s office by the middle of next week. It’s called “Down, Mr. President” and it starts innocently enough. Someone standing in a group of students will casually make this gesture:

presidentYou’ll notice it’s similar to the gesture Secret Service members use when communicating via their earpieces. As students nearby see the gesture they, too, raise their finger to their ear. When there’s only one person left in the group who hasn’t yet noticed what’s going on the rest of them yell, “Down, Mr. President!” and pile on top of him or her.

 

— 7 —

Here’s the part you’ve been waiting for. Michael and I brought John home from band practice last night, and he and his friend were chatting about making more elaborate rules for “Down, Mr. President!” on the way home. We’d all laughed until our faces ached. When we got home John followed me into the dining room and this conversation ensued:

John: I’ve also got a great idea for a fun game for office workers. You know, that can be played while sitting in office chairs when there a bunch of people in small cubicles?

Me (distracted): What’s that?

John: It would be called Dildo Jousting and people would have these dildos mounted on baseball bats and they’d roll around in their office chairs and. . . ”

Me (screaming): WHAT? Did you just say what I think you said? Dildos? On baseball bats? Where in the name of God would you have . . .
John: Well, I . . .

Me (doing the tell-it-to-the-hand gesture): Never mind. I don’t want to know. If it’s a website, never go there again. If it’s a show, you’re no longer allowed to watch it. And don’t tell me any more about it because I’m going to have a really hard time getting rid of that mental picture.

John (smiling): OK, Mom.

I just thought I’d share that so everyone else can share my disturbing mental image for a while. It’s kinda like the head on the turtle in Breaking Bad, isn’t it? Once you’ve seen it, you just can’t unsee it.

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5 thoughts on “Graduations and Dildo Jousting”

  1. #2 & #3. Kudos for good parenting! 🙂

    #4. What the heck is Human Geography? Nothing like making me feel REALLY old…

    #5. I hate to break it to you, but your dog has trained YOU. Very well, I might add. 😉

    #6. Hilarious! 😀

    #7. Trying to un-see the mental image. Suspect I’ll be trying to un-see it for some time. Thank you so much, Angie. 😮

    1. He’s been taking it all year, and I have NO CLUE exactly what Human Geography is. Best I can figure it’s kind of an Anthropology/Geography mix. I don’t know why they can’t just name things what they are. Parents are confused enough anyway!

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