Some Days I Really Shouldn’t Get Out of Bed

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— 1 —

Yesterday I got up and moving earlier than usual. I had a list of small tasks to accomplish, and I really wanted to finish everything on my to-do list for the first time in weeks. Trust me, it wasn’t a huge goal. But everything I touched turned to shit.

— 2 —

 Every phone call I made put me in touch with completely unreasonable people who seemed determined to make my life more difficult. And to make it worse I had to call them all on my barely functional landline. My phone has lost its mind and every day has a new and different problem. Yesterday everything worked on the phone except . . . the phone. So I was answering calls on my iPad. Nothing more professional than trying to take an order for Nerium with a dog howling into your customer’s ear.

— 3 —

My computer’s acting wonky, too, so this will be a short post. Just a rant, really. Short lawyer rant: I think lawyers should be sworn in before any legal proceedings. They swear in everyone else, but apparently it’s just fine for your own lawyer to spout a big, huge, pants-on-fire lie to start off the proceedings. It wasn’t about anything important, but still!

— 4 —

My dogs even got into the spirit of things. I don’t know who these dogs think they belong to, but it’s certainly someone more prestigious than us. Sam now considers it beneath her to do her own grooming. She’s a chocolate lab, and she’s not fat or old, so there’s no reason for this. And apparently she wants a professional, because when I try to brush her out I have to follow her around the house, taking swipes when I can get them. And Boss only wants to eat people food. I put dog food in front of him and he looks up at me disdainfully, as if to say, “This is not what I ordered.” Then he refused to snuggle with me all afternoon, which I guess is the dog version of not leaving a tip.

— 5 —

 Thankfully, my insurance company finally approved the non-hormone hot-flash medication my doctor prescribed. (Brisdelle if anyone else out there is suffering and can’t take hormones because of a family history of breast cancer). Downside? The thirty-day supply comes in packaging that’s just as complicated as the 7-day samples. There are six steps and both hands are required. You have to lift the adhesive lid, press in spot A with your left thumb while simultaneously squeezing and pulling with right thumb and index fingers at point B. Pull out as far as it will go, flip open, and push delicate capsule through thick foil on back of blister-packaging without damaging the capsule and letting the powder inside get out. I propose that whatever young man designed this packaging be locked in a room with two peri-menopausal women for about fifteen minutes. That’s all it would take. Two women. Fifteen minutes.

— 6 —

There’s also an upside to stress-induced short-term memory loss. Unless something I ordered arrives the next day I forget I’ve ordered it. Then it arrives and I’m so surprised, because it’s something I really needed and I got a great deal on it. Except, of course, for the package FedEx left on the porch yesterday. It’s something I didn’t order, was still charged for, and cannot get a refund for unless I ship it back at my own cost. Then they’ll refund my money (minus shipping and a 10% re-stocking fee) within 7-10 business days. And of course it’s a pricey item that was not in our budget and has now screwed up our bank account.

— 7 —

I actually do have one tidbit of good news to pass along. John will be playing quads in the Fall for marching band!! He’s over the moon! In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, the drums look like this
quads
and very heavy, and are also known as tenors. They are hard to play, but probably the most fun of all the drum line instruments to watch (I think). And yes, that’s Aaron playing them at Morehead, back when he had more hair than he does now, but a lot less than during his high school days when he preferred the ungroomed goldendoodle look.

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