College Roommates are the Devil

Aaron is a Sophomore in college this year, and is sharing a dorm suite with three other guys.  Against all odds, it’s evidently going very well, but worrying about it brought back memories of my college roommates.  The title of this post, by the way, is a nod to my most popular guest post, the hilarious Dianna‘s “Ex-Boyfriends Are The Devil“.

My first roommate Freshman year was a glassy-eyed little blonde who had already been living in our room a week when I moved in.  She got there a week early for sorority rush, and was loathe to give up any closet or dresser space, or to move all the crap she had piled on my bed.  As time went on I noticed she threw her dirty laundry into a pile in the bottom of the closet, and that she left half-eaten food and half-full sodas sitting around indefinitely.  She sat random unwanted objects in the hallway outside our door, as if she expected someone to come by and pick them up.  When all her clothes got dirty she went shopping.  On more than one occasion I arrived back at our room and found a stranger asleep in my bed, someone she’d invited to stay over.  It turned out she came from a very well-to-do family and was used to having a personal maid pick up after her, which explained a lot.  Unfortunately, she was also as dumb as a box of rocks.  Mummy and Daddy must have bribed the college well to get their little princess admitted, because she couldn’t even spell ACT, let alone score decently on it.  She didn’t pass a single class and didn’t return for the next semester.

For the Spring semester I got a new roommate.  She was a meek, mousy-looking little thing, and I thought I’d hit the jackpot.  She had started college a semester late because it had taken her a long time to talk her very conservative and religious parents into allowing her not only to be exposed to the evils abundant on college campuses, but to actually immerse herself in them by living there.  I asked politely about her religion, just to make sure I wouldn’t do or say anything in her presence that she might find offensive.  She rattled off a very long church name, and then told me how she often handled poisonous snakes and spoke in tongues.  She ended up being my favorite roommate because about two weeks into the semester she discovered sex, and was out all night with a different guy every night after that.  I don’t think I saw her again until move-out day.

My Sophomore year the first thing I noticed about my roommate was that she sported a “tail”, which for those of you too young to remember was a thin strand of hair at the nape of your neck that was allowed to grow a foot or so longer than your other hair (which was usually buzz-cut) and braided.  She had two great loves in her life:  The Andy Griffith Show and The Talking Heads.  We somehow always had Andy playing on the TV (and this was 1985-1986 folks – it’s not like there was an Andy Griffith Channel or anything) and The Talking Heads on her stereo.  It was an odd mix, and even all these years later I can’t hear the theme to The Andy Griffith Show or Burning Down the House without thinking of her.

What are your roommate horror stories?  Let’s have ’em! I’m linking this up to Share Your Awesome at Momma Made it Look Easy 🙂

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23 thoughts on “College Roommates are the Devil”

  1. Wow. Sometimes I think we are the same person. My first college roommate was EXACTLY the same as yours, up to and including leaving random things – sometimes my things that she had “borrowed” – out in the hall. My second roommate greeted me with “Hi. My name is Piper. This is my altar. Don’t touch it. You would NOT want to know what happens if you touch it.” After her, I got a job and shelled out the extra $600 per semester for a private room. Totally worth it, by the way.

  2. HAhAhA!!! I haven’t thought of a “tail” in 100 years! My boyfriend had one and oh, sweet Jesus…he was so cool.

    And that made ME cool.

    Oh wow…and to think I complain about the jeans now that are buckled at mid butt-cheeks. With their Calvin Klein underwear showing.

    I’m old.

    But this was huge to read…what a riot! Thank you!

  3. My 1st (and only) college roommate was pretty awesome… we got along really well… we were both neat/clean and didn’t really have any problems. The only real problem we had was when her bf spent the night one time and decided he had to go to the bathroom… but didn’t make it out of our room. After that I “slummed it out” in singles for the rest of my college years because well I wasn’t really prepared to deal with any of that again. lol

    1. LOL, I don’t think I would have gotten married after sophomore year if my roommates hadn’t been so awful! Since we’ve been together 25 years I guess it was a good decision, though 😉

  4. My first roommate had epilepsy….walked around in a green striped sleeping bag and had nightmares about looking in the refrigerator and finding that all her milk was gone, dressed (when not in her sleeping bag) in pink and green, pappagallo shoes and used a pocketbook with interchangeable covers. She was a piece of work!

    1. OMG I remember those preppy little purses! Can you imagine taking time now to change your purse cover to something that matched your outfit before you left the house? HA! I’m doing well if my shoes match each other!

  5. Ahhhh…. roomies! My first semester of college, I went away to college and my roommate and one of our suite mates became really great friends. I went home one weekend and returned on Sunday night to find that they had moved all my stuff into the suite mates room with her roommate and they had moved in together. Without asking anyone. We had a very strict freshman dorm and the RA “punished” us for moving rooms without asking by giving us “early curfew” for a week. That meant, other than classes, we had to be checked in in the dorm by 6pm. I was SO ANGRY because I had nothing to do with it. I hated that college too and I ended up withdrawing before the semester was out and in the spring, starting school at our local state university where I was able to commute and it was all much cheaper!

  6. My freshman year of college I was paired up with a very wealthy student from India. She turned out to be fine, but she did have some quirks. Like having to get used to breakfast not being served to her in bed every morning, not having maid service, not having someone call when she “buzzed”. She was great just a very wealthy pampered girl. By Sophmore year we could laugh about it!

  7. Ha! Thankfully I had pretty good roomies. Freshman year it was an acquaintance from high school. Sophomore year it was my best friend from high school when she transferred to my school. It nearly killed us, but we survived. The rest of college I paid extra for my own room. LOL

  8. Gosh, I’m currently in college still suffering from all bad roommate situations.

    Let’s see, first semester of college I had been paired with a sophomore who was a total party animal and joined a sorority that year. So she was usually gone but she was never to awful until I stayed one weekend and while I was in bed about to go to sleep, she came in drunk with a guy and made out with him. Needless to say, I came home most weekends. When I stayed another weekend, she brought another guy and made out in front of me. She left to an apartment after that semester.
    So then, I got another girl for a roommate. She had a room at her boyfriends house but kept a dorm room just in case. She never stayed, not one night. Which was nice I guess.
    Then I planned ALL summer to have this wonderful roommate, then she backed out on me a week before school and I immediately was placed with a random roommate….she is AWFUL. She has an awful body oder, trashes the room, takes little things like my drinks, etc. Luckily, she doesn’t come in during the day much and only sometimes stays overnight. Still, she is definitely the worst roommate I’ve had.

  9. Wow!!!! That was a great and much needed laugh!!! I was lucky living in the dorms to have an awesome roommate that actually turned out to be my best friend — 10 years later and we remain the best of friends :0) However, I lived with a different girl my junior year of school when said best friend moved in with her boyfriend who became husband and is now ex-husband. This girl I lived with, we’ll call her “K” was dirty. I had no idea she was dirty – we worked together at the local theater and I had no clue … she was into the renessaince fair thing and disappeared all summer and didn’t pay rent and we were nearly evicted, and I had to call her mom in Chicago to ask for help who then took K’s car away because she didn’t pay rent with the money she had given her. K was pissed at me, but I could care less. She also was dating a 45 year old man who had an 18yr old daughter who had just had a baby – she was 22 and dating grandpa. AND the worst thing? She didn’t shower. She couldn’t Her shower was filled with toilet paper and all sort of random shit. Literally it looked like an episode of hoarders in her bathroom and bedroom. I walked in her bedroom once and about died with teh smell – she always kept the door shut and for good reason. She had a cat in there, never changed the litter and eventually just started putting litter on the floor. I took all of my cooking stuff out of the kitchen and kept it in my room after I found my plate and silverware in her room once … I was mortified and threw it out and hid everything else. IT was so incredibly NASTY living with her!!

  10. She used to steal my socks and hide them under her bed…along with pizza boxes, knives crusted with peanut butter, and pots with the remnants of last months meal.
    She would take my clothes and wear them (2-sizes too small for her) then put them back in the closet reeking of CK1 while I was away. That was just one of my beauties!

  11. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be
    a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she
    has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but
    I had to share it with someone!

    1. GRRR! I would be furious! Of course one of my sons destroyed a phone in a similar manner after years of success with a specially designed “can’t destroy it” case. He destroyed it. #grounded

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