The wedding is over and it went perfectly! In the interest of helping others and preserving reminders for myself here is a list of wedding day tips for parents:

— 1 —

Accept all help that is offered by friends and family. The mother of the bride had an experienced friend supervising set-up and tear-down, and she made an overwhelming job quite manageable. I needed moral support more than anything, and my friend Kim and her family provided that in spades (as they always do). And without my step-mother, Edie, I don’t think I would have ever managed to get dressed and out the door to the wedding.

— 2 —

Hydrate. My son texted me early in the day about not crying too much or I’d become dehydrated. He meant it as a joke, but between the mild diuretic I took to make sure my feet and ankles didn’t swell during the reception, not drinking anything so I wouldn’t have to struggle out of my Spanx to use the bathroom and miss something important, crying (of course), and a hot flash that lasted through the entire wedding and reception I was a dried-up husk by the end of the night. Even Michael said the next day he thought he was dehydrated and that added to his post-wedding exhaustion.

— 3 —

Have lots of handkerchiefs ready. Not tissues, which dissolve and leave bits of white fluff all over your clothes, but real cotton handkerchiefs. I brought a stack of both men’s and women’s with me and passed them around to the wedding party, and they were certainly put to use!

— 4 —

Have some food waiting in your fridge for afterwards. The food at the reception was fabulous – probably the best food I’ve ever had at a wedding. But my stomach had been too upset for me to eat anything earlier in the day, and by the time we were on our way home I was ravenous. We went through a drive-thru in full wedding attire since I had no idea what we had at home.

— 5 —

Bring comfy shoes to change into. My low silver sandals were quite comfortable as far as dress shoes go, but I ended up barefoot for the tear-down, and really wished I’d brought my sneakers. John was out of his cream dress shoes and into his high-top Chucks as soon as pictures were over, and I think he had the comfiest feet there.

— 6 —

Don’t forget your pets. We were a four-dog house during the wedding, which worked out quite well since people were arriving and leaving at different times and could refill water bowls and give potty breaks throughout the afternoon and evening. If you don’t have this option ask a neighbor to stop by.

— 7 —

Don’t take pictures – just enjoy yourself and make memories. I took my phone, intending to take a few shots, but it died before I took a single picture. It was a blessing in disguise, though. Without the need to take pictures I just watched everything going on around me and was more involved than I probably would have been otherwise. There will be plenty of pictures, and they’ll all be better than any I could have taken.

— 8 —

Leave as few tasks as possible to the last minute. I love fresh flowers, but using silk flowers made everything so much easier! There was no last-minute scrambling because the florist hadn’t gotten the number of corsages right, no frantic arranging of wilting blooms in the centerpieces. The men all picked up their suits several days earlier, so it wasn’t a crisis when half of them didn’t fit and replacements had to be ordered. Do everything early that can be done early. There are fewer “last minutes” available than you think.

— 9 —

You can’t control anyone’s behavior but your own. Someone in one family or the other is bound to make an ass of themselves. Just let it go. Don’t let anyone spoil the day for you!

— 10 —

Schedule a day afterwards to rest. I had planned to attend my niece’s graduation party the day after the wedding, but I could hardly get out of bed. With my chronic neck pain I should probably have expected that, but I was overly optimistic. I actually am just getting back to something resembling normal function for me, and the wedding was three days ago Schedule yourself some down time – you will need it.

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— 1 —

Let the wedding weekend festivities commence! I’m like a kid who’s been waiting for Christmas: counting down the days, not sleeping, driving everyone around me crazy. Now it’s here and I want to savor every moment

— 2 —

Here are the Blue Suede Shoes iris I’m hoping to use in the Rehearsal Dinner centerpieces. If not enough have bloomed I’ll be crossing my fingers and running to Trader Joe’s for something purple.

— 3 —

These are the truffles I made as favors for the rehearsal dinner. It’s my friend Nancy’s recipe, and they are so rich and delicious. You’d never guess they are super-simple and have only three ingredients!

— 4 —

Okay, okay, I’ll share:

• 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream
• 12 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Heat cream to boiling, add chocolate and stir until melted.
2. Add vanilla and refrigerate at least three hours (overnight is good).
3. Use small scoop to form balls on waxed paper.
4. Freeze until firm (about fifteen minutes).
5. Roll into balls.
6. Roll in topping of your choice (nuts, powdered sugar, sprinkles, etc)
7. Store in fridge until ready to eat.

— 5 —

 It has been so much fun getting ready for the wedding – mainly because Catherine and her family have made me feel so welcome during the preparations.  I know not every mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along well enough to make this work, but I’ll never forget dress shopping with Catherine and working on the flowers and other decorations with Teresa.  As a mother of sons those are precious memories for me.

— 6 —

Big thank yous go out to my friends as well, who’ve listened to me stress and worry, talked me out of my tree many times, and assured me that everything will go smoothly.  Because of them I can relax and enjoy this weekend!

— 7 —

Michael and John (mainly Michael): Thank you for taking care of the million things I couldn’t do because of my neck pain.  I know that you didn’t understand why ninety percent of them needed to be done, but thank you for humoring me

Aaron and Catherine: Relax and enjoy your wedding weekend!  It’s going to be a wonderful celebration of your new life together as husband and wife.  I look forward to the many happy years you’ll share.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

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Saturday afternoon Aaron’s bachelor party began with a family-friendly game of paintball. The prior generation of Ballard boys had golf scrambles for their bachelor parties, but since Aaron and his friends don’t play golf often enough for that to be fun we tried something different. John and two of his friends were the only experienced paintball players in the group, and we had friends and family from fourteen to seventy-nine along for the ride.

It was muddy and chilly, and I was so glad I wasn’t going along! They fourteen-year-olds talked strategy during the forty-minute drive; the twenty-somethings were all about running, sliding in the mud, and otherwise showing off; and Michael and his brother, Patrick, hung with their dad, worried that at almost eighty years of age Tom would have a hard time with all the walking involved. Hmm, not so much.

The first time out the newbies were still learning the ropes, but the second time Tom, Aaron’s grandfather, was the last man standing. They were in an “urban assault” area with concrete block buildings, and Tom took down half the guys who worked there before they hit him. In his own words: “It was like Boot Camp, but without tear gas.”

This is one of those stories that will be told generations from now, and I’m so glad it happened at Aaron’s bachelor party. There are wonderful memories to be made

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— 1 —

I’m writing my seven quick takes late on Friday, because I didn’t want to jinx what was going on by mentioning it too soon. But I think my acupuncture session on Thursday may really helping my neck pain I’m still in a lot of pain, it’s still constant, but it’s better. And at this point I will take whatever relief I can get!

— 2 —

I couldn’t sleep a wink the night before my appointment, and I was a mess driving there. I’d have never gotten there without my Garmin. (See my Amazon sidebar if you don’t have one yet – then order yourself one for Mother’s Day!) The doctor’s heavy jewelry made me nervous (I don’t trust men who wear a lot of jewelry) and the Mickey Mouse sheets on the massage table were not comforting. But I gave it a try anyway, and I’m so glad I did. I’ll be going back again before the wedding just to make sure I’m in tip-top shape to enjoy the big day.

— 3 —

That night John had a choir concert. It had been rescheduled from earlier in the week, and I had no email or memo with the pertinent information, just word of mouth. I ended up standing in a hot, crowded auditorium lobby with other irritable parents for forty-five minutes before the show. If it had been any less crowded I would have sat on the floor against a wall to relieve my neck pain, but I was afraid of being trampled. And of course, five minutes after I sat down a parent who obviously wasn’t looking where he was going walked past me in the row behind, knocking me hard in the head. He apologized, but I was still near tears and wondering how I was going to make it through the long concert.

— 4 —

I did make it through, though, and got a wonderful surprise. John had a short solo he hadn’t told us about. If he’d told us Michael would have gone with me, even after a really long day at work, and John would probably also have had grandparents in the audience. As it was it was just me, without my video camera, grasping my chest and boo-hooing at his beautiful voice. The best part (for John) was a group of girls shouting his name afterwards

— 5 —

This morning my book club met, and we had so much fun. We spent about twenty minutes discussing the book we’d read (Louisville author Will Lavender’s Dominance) and another three hours discussing everything else under the sun None of these are women that I know well or have known for a long time, but with the rain coming down in sheets we curled up on sofas in one woman’s under-construction living room and chatted as if we’d known each other since childhood. Next month we’re discussing Pride and Prejudice (and watching the movie).

— 6 —

One of the things we discussed was healthcare reform, and what changes to expect. The one thing we all agreed on was that anyone needing elective surgery (knee replacement, etc) should schedule it ASAP before there’s a three- to four-year waiting list.

— 7 —

Aaron is on his way home, and the wedding festivities commence tomorrow with a paintball bachelor party. There’s nothing like firearms to hasten male bonding

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

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“I’m bored as hell.  Can I have the wifi password?” ~ John last week, talking to one of his eighth-grade teachers.

Yep, it’s that time of year – the time when students and teachers alike are so ready for school to be over they’ll go to extremes to pass the time. They’re about to start two straight weeks of standardized testing, which is guaranteed to bore even the most enthusiastic student. So John is spending his down time at school streaming episodes of Dr Who on Netflix on his Kindle Fire. And neither his teachers nor I have any problem with that. It could be worse – boredom in teenagers breeds dangerous situations. So if the worst that comes of his current eighth-grade-itis is a deeper appreciation of British humor I’m calling this year a success!

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I’ve always said I’d do anything for my children, but I really didn’t expect I would end up experiencing pre-wedding jitters before my eldest’s wedding while he remains calm and stress-free. That’s what seems to be happening, though. The muscles in my neck, back, and shoulders are locked in spasm, I can’t sleep, and I jump at every loud noise. With two large, loud dogs my the house that’s a lot of jumping every day. Probably enough to count as a cardio workout. I have this free-floating anxiety I described to a friend earlier this week as a sense of impending doom.

Before this goes any further let me state that I’m thrilled about the wedding, looking forward to the festivities, and I adore my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. I have no idea where these feelings are coming from. I can only assume that since Aaron is so laid-back someone had to get stressed for him, and it fell to me. I went from my usual high-strung self to off-the-charts, incapable-of-function stressed about the time we hit the one-month-to-the-wedding point. I can’t concentrate, so I haven’t been writing. I’m pushing through this post hoping that by putting what I’m feeling into words I’ll be able to get a handle on it.

Any moms out there experienced this? I could understand it more if I were the mother of the bride – she has a lot to do. But Catherine’s mother is taking everything in stride even though she’s remodeling her whole house at the same time. I’m helping with decorations this Saturday, so I’ll get the scoop then. Perhaps she just falls apart more quietly than I do, but I don’t think so. I think she’s actually fine.

I can’t blame it on having too many things going on at once. Yes, I’ve been waiting for about six weeks to get a date for my disability hearing and that does feel rather like waiting for the axe to fall. My pain management doc’s assistant changed my medications and I don’t think the new muscle relaxer works as well as my old one (see “muscles locked in spasm” above), but I’ve been through much worse since my fourth cervical spine surgery. John just brought home a fantastic report card and is looking forward to high school and marching band. Michael’s enjoying his new job.

Hmm. I think this little exercise may have worked. I do have several major life changes going on right now. Even though all of them except the pain/disability issue are positive they are still major life changes. Spouse changing job, youngest son accepted to competitive magnet high school and auditioning for competitive marching band, eldest son getting married. Yep. Add that to the constant pain that has been my baseline for years and being pretty twitchy makes sense.

Thank you to any who have read this far in my ramblings. Now I’m going to go find that relaxation CD I bought several months ago and listen to it!

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This post is for my husband and son, who are guilty of killing my plants willy-nilly when they mow the yard.
These are tulips in full bloom:

These are tulips before they bloom:

I’m very pleased to have some bulbs that the mutant ninja squirrels haven’t dug up and eaten, so don’t kill them.
This is a hosta:

This is what hostas look like before they fully unfurl their leaves:

My hostas have been in the same places for about a decade. Take note.
This is a Stella D’Oro Daylily before blooming:

If left alone, it will have beautiful yellow blooms all summer.
This is a Stella D’Oro Daylily that has been hacked to the ground.

This will make me grumpy every time I see it, which means every time I walk to the driveway.
This is mint:

and this is thyme:

If you step on or chop into anything that smells like food, leave it alone.
This is the foliage of a magic lily:

If left alone, the Spring foliage will fade and the light pink blooms will sprout like magic in late July. If hacked down in the Spring, they aren’t as likely to bloom.
This is poison ivy:

Although I do want it to go away, I do not want it killed with the weed eater, which just spreads the oils around and increases the probability I’ll come in contact with it, break out in a full-body rash, and need lots of steroids. Remember, you do not like me on steroids. Spray it with weed killer and let it dry out before removing with gloves.

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“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” ~ Psalms 118:24

Leslie Lynch wrote a beautiful and moving post earlier this month about gratitude.  Lately I’ve been dwelling on the stressors in my life, not the blessings, and it’s time to turn that around.  The events in Boston and in Texas during the past week have probably made most of us re-evaluate our priorities.

I have a wonderful, supportive family which will grow by one member in less than a month when I gain a daughter-in-law.  I have the best group of friends in the world.  Seriously, I do.  Even with their own busy lives they always make time for me and my crisis of the day.

Even though I an unable to work because of constant neck and back pain we are still able to pay our bills because I have disability insurance, something I never thought I’d need.

My dogs are a constant source of comfort to me.  We often take our pets for granted, and they add so much to our lives.

Even though I have significant limitations there are still so many things I can enjoy on a daily basis: a good book, a delicious meal, a funny movie watched with my husband and youngest son.

In short, today I am celebrating my many blessings and thanking God for them!

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— 1 —

Last Saturday I threw Michael a surprise fiftieth birthday party.  Thanks to help from friends and family it was a very special evening.  I don’t entertain much, but the party reminded me why I should.

— 2 —

That same night Mom and Greg took John to a PBR (Professional Bull Riders) competition here in town.  He loved it!  He’s been quoting the comedian ever since  I’ve only seen bull riding live once, many years ago.  It was high-school level, not professional, and I was beside myself worried about the kids getting hurt.  I don’t think I’d be able to watch professionals – I’d be constantly thinking about whether they had young children to raise, how in the world they got health insurance or life insurance, and what sort of medical issues would plague them in the years to come.  Yeah, I’d be a real Debbie Downer at the Bull Ride.

— 3 —

Judging by the last few years Kentucky shouldn’t call this time period “Spring” anymore.  It should be referred to as “Thunderstorm and Tornado Season”.  I’m so glad I happened across something to help our rescue dog, Boss, who’s terrified of storms.  I used this pheromone diffuser for the first time when I did a sponsored post for them, but I saw such a huge difference within two weeks that I have been buying refills ever since.  Amazon has the best prices.  I’ve bought it in pet shops, but it costs about twice as much.

— 4 —

Here’s my other new favorite product – because of it my dress for Aaron’s wedding fits nicely. Which is a very good thing since the wedding is now less than a month away! Again, Amazon has it for literally half the price of the health food stores in my area. And when I tried to buy it somewhere else I had to go three places to find it in stock

— 5 —

My neck and back pain has been exceptionally bad lately, and I don’t know if it’s the weather (changes in barometric pressure can make a huge difference) or the fact that they’ve changed my muscle relaxers. I’m not going to call and complain until the weather settles down.

— 6 —

Considering how close Aaron’s wedding is I think I’m doing pretty well emotionally. Just the one crying jag so far. Compared to him going away to college this is a piece of cake. I hope those words don’t come back to haunt me :/

— 7 —

Busy weekend coming up, including hearing Tiffany Reisz speak. My goal is to get everything on my to-do list done, but to pace myself well enough that I don’t end up in bed all day Monday. I’m not good at pacing myself. You’d think after all this time I’d have learned my limits, but evidently that’s still a work in progress.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

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No, I’m not saying you should have a formal dinner party every month. I’m just saying it’s way too easy to let yourself get out of the habit of having people over, and become uncomfortable with it. Fly Lady calls this CHAOS – Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. It’s so easy when your kids are young and messy, when you have pets, when your life is busy (and whose isn’t?) to let this happen.

I hadn’t had a get-together at my house (other than Thanksgiving and Christmas) since Aaron’s high school graduation, and I was in full CHAOS mode. I had lots of good excuses, with my chronic pain and my unpredictable rescue dog topping the list. But when it turned out it was my turn to host the Book Club I’d just joined (they rotate alphabetically) the same week my husband turned fifty I decided it was time. I planned easy menus, put my fourteen-year-old to work helping me, and hired someone to come clean for me.

Why should you bother? Here’s why:

1. More frequent gatherings bring extended family members closer. Michael’s eldest brother and his wife made a three-hour trip for his surprise party, and it meant so much to him that they were here. When you’re only seeing people at weddings and funerals it’s not enough.
2. Getting to know friends of friends, spouses of friends, etc is a lot of fun. Michael, Tony, and Paul get together for Old Guy Band Day every couple of weeks, but this was the first time all three wives have spent time together. I knew Angel, but I’d never met Denise, and had a great time talking to her.
3. It’s good for your pets. I was very worried about Boss, both for the Book Club meeting and the party. But he did beautifully. Two other dogs came along as guests, so we had quite a herd running through the house
4. It forces you to clean house. Or to hire someone. Either way your house gets clean.
5. Ditto yardwork. Although that didn’t happen at our house since the party was a surprise. If I’d insisted Michael mow and trim it would have been a dead giveaway.
6. It’s an opportunity to bring out your pretty serving pieces. You know, the ones that you bought or were given and usually just sit in a cabinet because they’re too big, or “too good” to use every day even though you really love them.
7. You can try out some of those recipes, flower arrangements, or whatever that you’ve pinned. I tried a new recipe for the Boston Butt I cooked and got a lot of compliments.
8. Leftovers. Unless you’re much better at estimating the amount of food you’ll need you will have leftovers and not have to cook for at least a couple of days I way overestimated on the cupcakes and ended up meeting Dianna at the park and providing snacks for all the kids playing there that day.
9. It’s a huge confidence booster. Knowing I can plan and execute a party, even though it was a small, casual event and I had a lot of help, feels great! And who doesn’t need a little confidence booster now and then?
10. It creates memories. Especially if you have kids, parties are important. Those are the things they will remember years from now, so teach them that entertaining is fun, not a chore.

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