Five Things I Know Nothing About

I laughed out loud when I saw this one on the list of prompts at Mama Kat’s Writers’ Workshop! Five? This could be a weekly post for a year or more! I may or may not have a MENSA-qualifying IQ and have graduated in the top 1% of my high school class, but there are so many things I know nothing about. Of course if you’d have asked me that at seventeen, I’d have thought I knew everything and could rule the world. I still want to rule the world, but I’d need more than a cabinet of advisors. I’d need a whole pantry!

I know nothing at all about geography. I can find Italy because I want to go there. Everything else is kind of iffy. Except, of course, anything along the Gulf of Mexico. The only white stuff I should see at my feet is sand.

I don’t know a useful second language. I took Latin and French, and my brain absorbed the Latin. Somewhat useful in the medical field, but not so much in everyday life.

I can’t navigate my way out of a paper bag. If Michael and I ever had a huge fight and I told him I was leaving all he’d have to do is take my Garmin out of the car.  I’d never get out of this zip code without getting lost.

Technology. Like my computer, my phone, my TV, and even my microwave.  People have commented on how tech-savvy I am (get up off the floor, Aaron, they have!) and I do know how to use social media. But I still need help figuring out which remote does what when I’m trying to watch a DVD or something I’ve DVRd. And the microwave has too many buttons. I just hit the “30 second” one over and over until it gets to where I want. It works for me.

How to put on makeup. Honestly, I think this is one of those opportunities that’s just passed me by. If I don’t know by now there’s no point in learning. With my tremor eyeliner would look like an EKG monitor strip, anyway.  I have about five tubes of lipstick or tinted chapstick scattered around in different purses, and they’re all nearly the same color. At the rate I use them I’ll need a new one when I’m about eighty.

Make me feel better! tell me what you know nothing about!

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