Happy Birthday . . . whatever your name is!

Today is my baby’s birthday. It doesn’t seem like it was eleven years ago today that my water broke as I was walking in the door at work. I worked at the hospital I was planning to deliver at, but since I didn’t have my bag with me I turned right around and went back home. I woke up my husband (I go to work god-awful early) and said, “Get up – today is baby day!” And now here we are with a kid almost as tall as me who is probably doing the “birthday treats at school” thing for the last time. I don’t think they do that in middle school. He decided on chocolate chip cookie cakes, and this is what they looked like.

Yes, that’s what they say – HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN. What’s my son’s name? It’s Jack. At least that’s what we’ve been calling him since about five months gestation. Now you may remember that at the beginning of the school year he decided to change his name. I thought it was amusing, a passing fancy. Of course, I should have known better. Jack is my son in many ways, one of the most frustrating being that once he gets something set in his mind he’s like a terrier with OCD – he WILL NOT drop it. He has been going by “John” at school all year, and I respect that decision, even though it has caused no small amount of stress for me. The worst was parent-teacher conferences. I met with all three of his teachers individually, and I’m sure they chatted later and decided I was smokin’ crack. What kind of Mom can’t even remember her own kid’s name?! I figure Jack can get some mileage out of this, though. If they are all convinced his Mom is a drugged-out loser or a total idiot their expectations for his academic performance will be much lower, and he’ll get lots of positive reinforcement every time he does something right, ’cause the teachers all figure I’m surely not telling him “great job on your math test” when I’m calling him by the wrong damn name. So, anyway, I’m going to go pick him up at school so he can come home and finish all his homework before the Dad gets home. Then we’ll have Hot Browns for supper and he can open his presents, one of which is “Up”, which we will then snuggle up on the sofa to watch. Here’s how I decorated my car for the pick-up:

Thank God my children appreciate sarcasm!

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3 thoughts on “Happy Birthday . . . whatever your name is!”

  1. Awww, that's so funny, I wonder why he doesn't like Jack? I LOVE Jack!

    I had kids in my classes that changed their names too…they always confused the crap out of me!

  2. This is too funny!! When my son was in the 6th grade, (now 21) his best friend, Micheal decided his name would be "Bob". Bob is now in the Marines and goes by Micheal. But whenever I see him, I still call him Bob. He answers with a smile, and all others think I'm nuts.
    Hopefully your son will go back to Jack someday and you all can get a good laugh.

    Have a great day,

  3. I am CRACKING UP! So he changed his name…. I know WE never did anything totally stupid when we were younger…. RIGHT??

    Well – whatever his name is – he's pretty daggone cute!

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