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It was a toss-up this week with the prompts at Mama Kat’s Writers’ Workshop. I could depress y`all with things that have scared me recently (sadly, my fears are ones that Stephen King just couldn’t handle), but instead I’m going to see whose buttons I can push. I really don’t post a lot on Facebook these days. Election years exhaust me emotionally. At least this year I won’t have to “hide” anyone for endorsing a candidate that I’m afraid will destroy our country. That’s pretty much been taken care of, and I can’t summon enough faith in ANY of the current candidates to get excited about them. If I’d have known pickin’s were gonna be this slim I’d have run myself. I could certainly use the money. A nice salary for the rest of my life for four years of service sounds lovely, doesn’t it? That’s what our men and women in the military should get, not the professional politicians whose sole contribution to our country in trading money for votes, and votes for money.  Perhaps I’ll run for public office soon, in preparation for the 2020 election. Unless Joanna Gaines runs, then I’ll back her. #LessKimKardashianMoreJoannaGaines
Yes, my Facebook feed is very Nerium-heavy. I don’t mind a bit, and I share the posts when they are something I haven’t seen before. It’s nice to be nearing fifty and no longer have crow’s feet or sun damage. It’s especially nice to have lost seventy pounds and have no loose skin and fewer stretch marks and dimples in the wrong places! Best of all is knowing I don’t have to worry about my husband’s memory loss, which was starting to scare me. Anti-aging for the skin and brain is a beautiful thing!
There are also a lot of general inspirational messages I share. Spring is here, and I’ve been without my Happy Light for a week, but I haven’t packed it away. Saving it for a rainy day. Too many people suffer from depression and don’t get the help they need. Or refuse help. Or get to the point where they are beyond help and suicide seems like the only option. Reach out! Ask for help!
You’ll see Jamberry posts on my page. Having bright, pretty nails has been a real boost to my self-confidence the past few months. No, I can’t afford a salon mani-pedi every two weeks. But can I afford $7.50 for a full mani/pedi that will last a month on my fingers and a month and a half on my toes while protecting my thin, easily-nibbled nails. Oh, yes!
I did vent once on Facebook after someone I considered a friend lied about a conversation we’d had, causing someone I’d never expect if from to send me an accusatory FB message (really??), and end up being completely disrespectful when I insisted our conversation was not text-appropriate. I wanted to go back and delete it, especially after a couple of good friends asked what in the world had happened that caused me to do something as tacky as air my dirty laundry on FB. They didn’t phrase it that way, of course, but I knew it was wrong. I just, at that point, felt so stupid for allowing myself to be used by someone for years – God only knows what other stories she’d spread, I’m sure this wasn’t just the first, that I decided to leave it as a reminder to myself.
I’ve also posted that I’m writing again. It’s a genre I’ve never written in before, but new ideas pull me out of bed and keep me at the computer until my back and neck force me to lie down again. My fingers can’t keep up with my brain on this one, which is a good problem to have!!

When the muse strikes. . .

I’m writing. I don’t just mean I’m blogging again (which, obviously, I am) but I’m working on the latest of several novels I’ve started and not finished or finished and not been happy with, This one was actually just supposed to be a short story. I had a dream, remembered it, and thought, “Wow! that would be a good short story!”

Then I started writing it. And it decided it didn’t want to be a short story, it wanted to be a novel. Then today I was reading a fantasy novel (I always read novels from other genres when I’m writing) and in this novel I’ve read about three or four times before this a couple of sentences kept tugging at me.

I mean, a lot of teenage guys fail in their first relationships. Not many of them murder the girl involved. ~ Storm Front, by Jim Butcher

Damn. I was writing New Adult (early twenties) Erotica. I thought.  Now I am feeling the need to kill someone off. In the middle of a sex scene. Then the rest of the book will be about the remaining two people (did I mention it was a threesome?) have to figure out what to do, and how their relationship develops from there. I don’t know that there’s even a genre for this.

Stay tuned!

What Did YOU Learn in February?

February is my least favorite month. Always has been. Yes, it’s the shortest month, but it always manages to pack a lot of punch.
I grieved a lot this February. I grieved the loss of friendships. I thought I winnowed out long ago all the people who were only my friends when they needed something from me, or when they could use me. Sadly, I’m more naive than I thought I was. On the other hand, I enjoy doing things for other people, and I’m so out-of-the-loop socially that I often don’t even know when someone uses me as a scapegoat in their own manipulations. That part doesn’t bother me so much. Anyone who really knows me is well aware of what I would or would not say or do. If they don’t know me that well then their opinion of me is irrelevant.

But it still hurts when someone you care about, someone you’ve prayed for and lost sleep over suddenly becomes a person you’re unable to trust. There are many, many things I can forgive. But I’m not stupid, and I don’t quickly forgive wrongs done to me or my immediate family. There are times that trust needs to be earned.

Winter is always hard for me. Even with my Happy Light every single morning it’s hard. I had a psychiatrist appointment in February, and after I’d sat in his uncomfortable waiting room chairs for TWO HOURS, without my pain meds because they weren’t due any time near my appointment (but were, by then, past due) he opened the door and called me back. The waiting room was stuffed with patients, all waiting for him, many with chronic pain issues similar to mine. We’d all had time to chat. I stumbled to my feet, raised my hands, and shouted, “Hallelujah!” No, not the most subtle approach. And it earned me not a promise to be more prompt, but an increase in my anti-depressant dosage and a quicker follow-up appointment. Which he will, again, be late for. And I will, again, be in pain for.

I also saw a new Internal Medicine doctor in February. My current insurance refuses to cover the physician who’s been seeing me since 1988, so I had to pick a new one. Thankfully, he’s a physician I know and like. Unfortunately, he is not comfortable writing the pain medications I have been on since 2009. So I can wait 6-8 months for a new patient appointment at a pain management office downtown (where I know no one and am not at all comfortable driving with my severely limited range of motion in my neck) or I can keep paying 100% out-of-pocket to my out-of-network doctor who has known me for years. I’m just trying to keep a roof over our heads and the lights and water on and the insurance companies play these nonsensical games. It’s an evil thought, but I’d like just one of the insurance people to feel the pain I feel – just for one day.

So I suppose this February has taught me to love those people who love me as I am – not for what I can do for them, or what use they have for me.  The high points? A wonderful baby shower for my eldest niece, and a surprise fiftieth birthday party for a friend – they were spectacular!!

Want to read or link up to this week’s writing prompts? Check out Mama Kat every Thursday!

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