A Really Big Week!

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— 1 —

tabby

My granddog has a Twitter account and you should all follow her. She’s @Tabbythedog. Actually, her Twitter account and the posts from her doggy daycare keep me more in touch with the dog than I am with my son and daughter-in-law. They’re both busy with jobs they love in a city that they love, and that’s great. But when there are tornados and flooding in your city and you’re a thousand miles away from your family call and tell them you’re OK. At the very least, answer their texts!

— 2 —

 I’m starting to use the library more and download free books on Kindle less. For several reasons. I do find new authors I like by downloading the first book in a series, but so many are starting to end there book with a hook, or cliffhanger. No. I want some sense of closure at the end of the book. Make me want to read your next book because you’ve developed your characters so well I want to know what might happen in their lives. Write so well I want to ready everything else you’ve written. A hook at the end of the first book in a series is a cheap trick – don’t do it. And I’m a few books behind on some of my favorite authors, so I need to catch up.

— 3 —

Now that we are no longer a one-car family I think it’s time for me and Michael to really bump up our Nerium efforts. We have spectacular products to offer, a great limited-time offer going on right now (free $20 hand cream to ALL new customers!) and I’m very excited about it. I’m visualizing myself as the Nerium Honey Badger, letting the ‘no’s roll off my back and focusing on my goal. I’m going to drag my team along to success with me, because I can’t get there alone. Want to join my team as a customer or Brand Partner, or just want to know what a Nerium Honey Badger is? Contact me!

EHT cartoon

— 4 —

I want to congratulate my niece, Lauren, on being a total Honey Badger Matron-of-Honor this past weekend. Her sister’s ceremony and reception was on an Air Force Base, and you truly would not believe all she had to go through to get all the wedding guests through the gates with the current elevated threat alert. Girlfriend had the guys in camo at the gates with M-16s trembling in fear. And she did it all in a lovely long champagne dress, 5-inch heels, a classic chignon, and a smile. I’m thinking Lauren for president as soon as she turns thirty-five.

— 5 —

The wedding, by the way, was straight out of a storybook. I didn’t take a single picture, because I didn’t want to miss a second of the experience. It was everything a wedding should be: two families celebrating being joined by marriage, two young people very much in love starting their life together with a solemn ceremony and a kick-ass party :)

— 6 —

I came home with a car, by the way. After two years of being trapped in the house while Michael worked six or seven days a week I can actually get out and about. I can take myself to my own doctor’s appointments, I can go to Goodwill whenever I want, I can go to the grocery if we’re out of bottled flavored water. Huge thanks to Michael’s brother Chris and his wife, Marcia for making this possible. And John gets to learn to drive, too, which is pretty awesome!

— 7 —

After years (literally) of research, quizzing everyone I knew who’d had a bariatric procedure, and scheduling, cancelling, and re-scheduling appointments so many times I’ve lost count I’m doing it. Gastric sleeve as soon as I’m cleared from my EGD in about ten days! Say a little prayer for me if you don’t mind. I’d really love to lose some weight, gain some mobility, decrease my back pain and high blood pressure, and see something besides inevitable progression of my spinal disease and increase in my pain in my future.

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t The Lyceum!

Ten Things That Make Me Happy

— 1 —

I have a car! No, I didn’t earn a Lexus from Nerium (yet), but we are no longer a one-car family.  My husband’s brother and his wife gave us a car they were no longer using, a Toyota Camry. It’s so comfortable to drive, and now I can do more with our Nerium business and John can use that learner’s permit and start to drive! Our other car is massive, has huge blind spots, and is completely impossible to parallel park. It’s just not a car to learn on. It’s wonderful just to be able to take myself to my own doctor’s appointments!

— 2 —

 Scentsy By The Sea. I’m late to the party on all of this stuff, but I’m finally trying Scentsy. I love scented candles, but there are two dog tails that wag right at usual candle height and I’m terribly forgetful about blowing them out. Scentsy solves both problems and my house smells like vacation, even though it’s been nearly a decade now since we’ve had one. I still remember the smell, though 😀

— 3 —

My Miranda Lambert Pandora station. It’s playing right now, and it helps keep me up-beat :)

— 4 —

Accurate scales. I was finally brave enough to show up for a bariatric surgery appointment yesterday. They had me stand on a scale the size of my coffee table, and the weight that showed up was forty-five pounds lighter than I’ve weighed for the last nine months at my primary care doc’s office. I laughed and told the assistant that I wished that scale was right, and if walking through the door had made me drop that much weight I’d just walk out and come back in a couple more times and we could skip the surgery! But she took me to another scale and my weight was exactly the same. I very clearly haven’t lost any weight, so I need to let me doc know how far his scale is off. It was pretty exciting to find out I weighed forty-five pounds less than I thought, though!

— 5 —

Aquarius. Have you been watching the new David Duchovney show on NBC? It’s set in LA while Charles Manson was building his group of followers, and it’s fantastic! You can actually binge-watch if you like, which I think is brilliant on NBC’s part. We’ve all become so spoiled by Netflix that we don’t want to wait  week to see what happens next. First-world problems, right? But the music, the decor, the hair, the clothes – add in all the rapid cultural change going on and it’s irresistible.

— 6 —

Novenas. I started the Sacred Heart of Jesus Novena yesterday and hopefully the timing will be right for that to lead right up to my surgery. It’s one of my favorites and just saying it makes me feel safe.

— 7 —

Nerium.  I truly feel this company is going to be our future. I love all their products, but right now the Firm most of all, because using it on my legs once a day for a month let me wear short (for me – just a couple of inches above the knee) dresses this weekend and not feel self-conscious. I knew nothing was looking jiggly or lumpy, just smooth and healthy!

— 8 —

The last week of school. After today John just has one more day then he’s free until July, when marching band starts. It’s been a tough semester for him, and I’m looking forward to having him to myself for  while. We’ll watch 80’s music, and have long, serious debates over trivial things. And I’ll listen to him play games online with him friends, and play his drums.

— 9 —

Perennials. I’m so glad that when I could garden I planted mainly perennials. Now they come back every year and I get to enjoy them even though I can’t garden anymore.

— 10 —

The library. I go through books so fast, and I don’t think there’s been a single day since I learned to read that I wasn’t reading. When I finish one book I pick up the next. If I had to buy all those books we’d be living in a cardboard box. Which would be frustrating, because all my books would get wet!

I’m linking up at Mama Kat’s Writers’ Workshop today. Drop by and see what’s going on!

Ten Reasons I can’t Be a ‘Real Housewife’

Thanks, Kathy! I’ve been getting back in the habit of checking Mama Kat’s Writers’ Workshop every week for prompts. It’s great if you’re having a bit of blogger’s block, and I love reading what other people create using the same prompt I chose. This week I’m explaining why I can’t be one of the Real Housewives. I’ve tried all the others and couldn’t tolerate them for long, but I’ve seen every single episode of the original Bravo series: The Real Housewives of Orange County.

— 1 —

False eyelashes – they’re not just for drag queens anymore! But they’re not for me, either.  I wear glasses all the time, so doing anything other than some individual lashes at the corners wouldn’t work. And my tremor is better some days than others, but even on my best day I’d end up looking like there was some sort of insect on my eyelid. Attention-getting, but not in a good way. These women wear full make-up and hair 24/7 (at least while they’re filming). Although I will put on some blush, lipstick, and mascara if I’m trying to make a good impression I just don’t do the full-face makeup thing. I use Nerium, so my skin looks good enough to just wash my face and go. And I like that!

— 2 —

 Then there’s my hair. Most of the conversations these women have with their husbands or boyfriends seem to occur while they’re doing something to their hair. Straightening it, curling it, putting it in hot rollers, teasing it – whatever. My hands go numb when I put them above my head (another little leftover from my multiple neurosurgeries) so my hair’s usually up in a clip. If I want to look especially nice I put it up in a sock bun when it’s mostly dry and then take it down the next day and pull it back with – wait for it – a banana clip! Remember those from the 80’s? Yep, I have them and I wear them in public. I searched YouTube the other day for some “easy updos for fine hair”. My definition of easy is worlds away from what these vloggers think is easy. Lots of products, lots of teasing, four double-jointed arms, and one pound of bobby pins for the easiest. Maybe my banana clip will start a new trend.

— 3 —

My husband and my son both love me and are super-sweet to me. They take care of everything I can’t (which is pretty much everything!) Laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes, shopping, yardwork. And there are no fights, no teen rebellion. John’s so funny he could probably have his own reality show, though. I never know what he’s going to say or do next! And my dogs are not your standard reality show purse dogs. Sam is one hundred pounds of beautiful chocolate lab, and would be sure to steal every scene. She does think the world revolves around her, so she might fit in pretty well. Boss, on the other hand, might bite a cameraman. Not in a bad-dog way, just in a scared, protecting-his-family way.

— 4 —

There would be no browsing the boutiques buying baubles at the jewelry store. The cameras could follow me to my favorite Goodwill locations, and maybe as a special treat I’d drop by my fave consignment shop. That’s a rarity, though.

— 5 —

If they really wanted reality I’d be in jammies 90% of the time. Old, raggedy jammies. Christmas jammies in the summer. Jammies with safety pins replacing missing buttons. ‘Cause that’s how I roll at home. And fuzzy pocks. Probably ones with holes in them because John borrowed them.

— 6 —

Oh, and the house. I do have a lovely granite countertop in my kitchen, and beautiful custom-made cabinets. But the countertop is covered in dirty dishes and the cabinets have fingerprints all over them.  The rest of the house is a mess, and there is no way they could film in my bedroom (where I spend large portions of my day lying on my bed with an ice-pack on my back or neck) because all the floor space is taken up by a dog bed and boxes of clothes that don’t fit. No room for cameras. Oh, and that huge white orchid that was in the background at everyone’s house last season – did you think we wouldn’t notice it was the same plant? I have a perfectly nice pink one of my own. It’s not big enough to hide the dirty dishes, but perhaps it can be a distraction.

— 7 —

Every single household has the same wine bottle opener, too. I don’t need one of those. My wine comes in a box. And “champs”, as Heather calls it – well, there has not been a lot to celebrate around here lately, but feel free to drop off a case! And some truffles, too.

— 8 —

I know Vicky gets all touchy if anyone else dares say they have a career, because she has to be acknowledged as the hardest-working Housewife or else things get a bit cray-cray. So I’m sure she’d be fine with my being disabled after working twenty years as a nurse, and would not begrudge Michael and me our little side business with Nerium. Unless we won a car or a trip or something. Then she might decide she hates me for that season.

— 9 —

Come to think of it, Vicky may also be upset that we have the same cookie jar. I’ve noticed it several times in her kitchen, and it cracks me up! Of course I bought mine on the clearance rack because it was broken, but I had a wild toddler at the time so buying things pre-broken only made sense 😉
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— 10 —

I think the deal-breaker that would keep me off a Real Housewives show, though, is that I have hit my lifetime maximum of bullshit and drama much earlier than most people. You’re either my friend or you’re not. I don’t worry about what other people think about me unless it’s someone whose opinion I hold in high regard and who knows me well. And although my life is pretty nearly an open book things that would embarrass or humiliate my husband or my son are not “common knowledge” as a family member recently suggested when I asked him to stop gossiping about us.

So I don’t suppose you’ll be seeing me starring in a new Bravo series anytime soon, which is a shame because I’d love to show up in jammies to chat with Andy Cohen post-show 😉

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Anything worth doing can be done in jammies!