My Week in a Nutshell

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— 1 —

I’m polite. It’s in my genes. From both sides, but it skipped my mom. I still feel guilty for laughing aloud at an inappropriate remark another student made to a teacher in high school – I swear. I don’t even remember what was said, I just remember the feeling of horror that I had been so rude as to laugh. So imagine my surprise when I heard that the son of one of my very best friends in the world is answering my husband’s calls with, “What do you want?” His mother would be appalled – as she should be. To make matters worse, this is the same person that I pulled aside at a family event and asked very politely to not say offensive things to Michael. I even told him if he felt the need to talk to feel free to call me. But he doesn’t have the balls for that. His wife carries them in her Prada bag.

— 2 —

 I binge-watched the final season of Glee this week. SO good! I’m saving my DVDs of both seasons of Smash for my recovery post-op. Not that I expect it to be any different from my day-to-day life, but that’s my little treat to myself: cuddle up in bed with the dogs for a musical-fest!!

— 3 —

I had planned on spending a lot of time this week filling out disability questionnaires online, but Allsup‘s website has been down most of the week. It came up yesterday and I pulled out all the stops trying to get it all done before my 2pm phone interview today. These people are truly the only compassionate people I’ve come in contact with during my four-year-long battle for disability benefits. Apathy and ignorance abound, but compassion is hard to find. If you ever (God forbid) become disabled these are the people you need to help you.

— 4 —

I did accomplish one fairly impressive thing this week. I pitched a company to see if they’d like to work with me during the months following my gastric sleeve. I did a thirty-day trial, and loved their products and customer service. They replied quickly, and wanted my Media Kit. YEEAAHH, I have a Media Kit (NOT!) I put in a frantic text to Dianna, and then went to Blog Clarity. Melissa Culbertson really does know everything anyone needs to know about blogging, and she shares. So they have my Media Kit now, and since I have one I’m considering pitching another company!

— 5 —

This has been bothering me for a while. It wasn’t in a blog I usually follow, I don’t think. Probably I read it because they were in a link-up. But a mom of a son with some sort of special needs (can’t remember what) was having problems with her son being bullied. Been there, done that, and it sucks. Bullying is getting worse, not better, in spite of all the “zero tolerance” policies in place. Her decision was to put her son in Tae Kwan Do classes. Will kicking the bully’s ass stop him from being a bully? Sadly, no. It will get her son punished, and the bully will be very, very pleased at the reaction he was able to get. Agree or disagree?

— 6 —

I had samples of the vitamins and minerals I’m supposed to take postop, and I thought I’d try them this week. Unfortunately, I didn’t write down what I put in which little timed container. Whatever I took at 6am made me really nauseous. That’s a problem. The last thing I want to do after major abdominal surgery is throw up. I hate to throw up. That was one of the many reasons I decided to have a sleeve instead of a band – less throwing up. So that’s a mystery I need to solve before my huge Box O’Vitamins arrives for the month.

— 7 —

In the midst of my computer marathon yesterday I got a 20-minute break for hysterical fear. I thought I’d lost my mom’s dog. Winnie, her Yorkie, stays with us periodically and my big dogs cower in her wake. She also does things I know damn well she doesn’t get away with at home. She climbs onto the dining room table for a nap, she snaps at the other dogs, and she poops everywhere. I’d found a mess in the tiled dining room (I swear she can aim for the grout!), so I let everyone out into the fenced backyard and left the door cracked while the Scrubbing Bubbles and I went to work. Sam came looking for me (expecting her treat) and Boss was right behind her. But no Winnie. She didn’t come when I called. I searched the house. I ran/waddled one house in either direction (her legs are short and she’s fat) calling for her. I searched the house again. When I went to search the backyard one last time before getting in the car there she was, right in the middle of the yard. She’d just been ignoring me. All her potty breaks will be monitored from here on!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t The Lyceum!

I Have Doodle Fever

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Please don’t tell my dogs, but I’m obsessed with Golden Doodles. I thought Chocolate Labs would always be “our dogs”, then we adopted Boss (who I’m not entirely sure is a dog at all) and I swore all our dogs would be rescue animals. Then I met Barkley. And Sadie and Maisey. And saw pictures of Penny. Instagram will be my downfall. Seven reasons I’m attracted to this breed? Easy!

— 1 —

Word has it second-generation Doodles don’t shed. A lack of fur tumbleweeds around here would be lovely.

— 2 —

 They look like talking teddy bears – and feel like them, too!

— 3 —

Every Doodle I’ve ever met is remarkably sweet-natured, gentle, and loving. I mean my chocolate labs have always been awesome, but Doodles may be the perfect family dog!

— 4 —

Lots of gorgeous curls, but they tolerate being trimmed short for the summer if you prefer. Gotta love a dog with options.

barkley shaved

— 5 —

The cuddliness factor cannot be emphasized enough. These dogs were made to snuggle, and I’m all about the doggie snuggles.

— 6 —

I love Newfies and St. Bernards, but the drool is a bit off-putting. No excessive drooling with a Doodle.

— 7 —

Now I realize I could split the difference and get a LabraDoodle, and that may be what we end up doing when the time comes. But for now we are at our two-dog max, and I’m fine with getting my Doodle cuddles wherever I can. But be warning: If you post pics of your Doodle on Instagram and wonder why this woman you don’t know is following you. . . it’s just me, getting my Doodle fix!

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A Little Friday Morning Snark For Ya

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— 1 —

I started my day off yesterday by attending a pre-op instructional session in preparation for my gastric sleeve surgery. Thankfully, I noticed the “wet floor” sign before slipping in the trail of poop leading down the hallway. Nice visual for those considering gastric bypass: avoid “dumping syndrome”. That’s pretty much the only new thing I learned. Everything else had been covered twice before: once in the first consultation after my application was accepted, and once in the massive binder that is too heavy for me to carry around for reference. Perhaps they think fat people are stupid. We aren’t. But neither are we jolly.

— 2 —

 No, I did learn one other fact. I will not be released a day early for being the perkiest, most compliant patient there. I don’t know why not, since it worked just fine in the lock-down psych unit. Anyway, that means I will have to re-schedule my annual mammogram and lady-parts exam that was scheduled for two days post-op. That’s probably a good idea, anyway. My pain threshold is high, but I’m not Superwoman. Pause here and insert visual of Superwoman parking her invisible plane and pulling down the sparkly bodice of her crime-fighting get-up for a mammogram. OK, now try getting that picture out of your head the rest of the day. Welcome to my world.

— 3 —

Oh, and yesterday’s post-op instructions also suggested that I not sleep with my dogs. As. If. After two nights away I’m going to be getting lots of puppy snuggles. My dogs are a lot cleaner than most MRSA-ridden hospitals, anyway! Maybe I’ll just have the guys give them a bath before I come home. That’s a reasonable compromise. (FYI, compromise = do it my way)

— 4 —

Remember all those things I said about how I love marching band? I don’t. Band Camp sucks. If the dad in the green truck blocks me in one more time because he’s too important for a parking space I may just back out of my handicapped space and make the logo on his door a bit “distressed”. And I will go help the Pit move their stuff in, probably while using my cane, because I’m tired of getting home at 10:15 because the rest of the band kids are lazy and self-absorbed. Especially the color guard. Oh, yes, I did. I just went there! Haul your tutu-clad butts over to those marimbas and push!

— 5 —

My next-door neighbor and his cousin painted the side of our neighbor’s garage that faces our yard yesterday. The day before that Mark, the cousin, came over to let me know what he was doing and ask that I keep the dogs inside. I told him they’d just had a potty break and they’d be fine for several hours. Michael had recently cut down an old pussy willow near the garage, so all that was there was a weedy bed of daylilies and hostas. Yes, there were weeds. I can’t do yardwork and Michael and John don’t have time right now, so we have a lot of weeds. But Mark proceeded to not just pull away any climbing weeds that were in his way, but to take out the entire planting bed! And then yesterday the two of them spent all day painting. They were putting white paint on a white garage that had a little flaking. They weren’t reproducing the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. So I tried to take my dogs out into the front yard (one at a time) to go potty. They are too strong, and I really can’t handle either of them on a leash. My back was killing me before I even got to the second dog. But somehow they’ve both developed shy bladders, and can’t go in the front yard, only the back yard. Sam must have peed a gallon by the time the painting was finished.

— 6 —

If my neighbor was so offended by my weedy perennials (and this wasn’t even the crazy neighbor, this was the normal one!) then perhaps I need to borrow my step-mom’s chickens. She said they’ve eaten her flowers, her garden, and the weeds, along with their daily ration of food. I think they may need to come for a visit. I’ll send them home fat and sassy!

— 7 —

Best of all, today is the last day of the month, so I will run out of pain pills about mid-day. I’ve been calling my doctor’s office and leaving messages for his assistant all week. She never calls back. So I’m calling once early this morning, and then I’m going to go sit in the waiting room until someone gives me a prescription. And you can just imagine how pleasant I will be. Oh, and Sunday is my twenty-ninth wedding anniversary. At this rate I may be spending it in jail, which is just fine, since I look fabulous in orange and am spoiling for a fight.

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t The Lyceum!

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Anything worth doing can be done in jammies!