I do NOT have a green thumb. I can usually make plants die just by giving them a dirty look. Not poison ivy, though. We’ve lived here seventeen years and I have battled poison ivy every year. When we moved here I’d never reacted to poison ivy at all, but after a few years of ripping it out of the ground, off the walls of our house, out of fence rows, and off the trunks of trees I finally started reacting. Just a little a first, nothing some benadryl and calamine lotion wouldn’t fix. But each year it got worse. So now I don a full hazmat suit before doing yardwork, shower with dish detergent as soon as I come inside, and still end up on high-dose steroids looking like a leper. I’ve used vats of weed killer to no avail.
I surrender. The poison ivy is never going away. So why not embrace it? Figuratively, of course. How about poison ivy topiaries? I thought I’d start out simple, with a wreath:
And perhaps for the side of the house a classy, understated espalier:
But what I’d like to work toward, my poison ivy piece de resistance, if you will, would involve this:
Because I hate squirrels, particularly the mutant ninja squirrels that live in my backyard, and I hate poison ivy. So why not combine them? Perhaps the poison ivy would die of humiliation from being forced into a squirrel shape, or maybe the squirrels would be intimidated by their leafy green counterpart and decide to relocate. I’m open to suggestions.