At Ash Wednesday Mass I ran into a co-worker I hadn’t seen in almost a year. She asked how I was doing, and I replied that I’d love to say I was coming back to work soon, but it just wouldn’t be possible until the pain got better. I assumed (correctly) that she’d already heard through the hospital grapevine about my back-to-back neurosurgeries last Spring. She responded with a wave of her hand, “The pain will never get better. You just have to live with it. I’m in pain every day and I just go to work and deal with it.” I was taken aback, but smiled, and said that I’d dealt with constant pain for two years between my second and third surgery, but it was just too intense now for it to be safe for me to work, even on strong pain medication. She again advocated “toughing it out without medications”, so I changed the subject, told her it was nice to see her, and passed along greetings for the other co-workers I hadn’t seen since last Spring.
The conversation didn’t bother me at the time, but later that night I lay awake wondering if everyone thought I was a wimp, a slacker, a faker. It disturbed me, not because I care so much about what other people, especially people who don’t know me well, think, but because it was such a blow to my self-confidence to have someone dismiss what I have endured this past year so easily. Then I ran across this scripture:
Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.
In quietness and confidence is your strength.
So I will continue to wait in quiet confidence, and know that God does have a plan for me, hopefully one that involves less pain.
What prayer or scripture has inspired you this week? Drop by Saints and Scripture Sunday, Scripture and a Snapshot, Sunday Snippets, Spiritual Sundays, Hear it on Sunday, Playdates with God, Walk With Him Wednesdays, iFellowship, Planting Mustard Seeds, Good Morning Girls, and Journeys of Faith Fridays to share!
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