I’m supposed to me in the midst of a writing challenge, getting down about a thousand words a day, but I’m barely getting any writing done at all. I just can’t focus.
Part of it is worrying about Michael’s new job, which is actually going really well. But you know me, I keep waiting for things to go wrong. Michael says I’m a pessimist. I think I’m a realist.
Then there was the car wreck. It happened in the Mall parking lot, of all places. We both saw each other, both tried to stop, but my big tank of a car doesn’t stop on a dime so I totaled a nineteen-year-old girl’s car. I felt so awful. I stayed there with her after the local police had left, after Mall security had left, after we’d both talked to our insurance companies and family members. I offered to call AAA if she didn’t have towing service, to take her home or follow her home if her car was drive-able – she probably thought I was a nutjob. But other than totaling my own car in a parking garage because a paperback slid under my brake I’ve never had a wreck before.
So I was trying to comfort this poor girl while was so shaky and nauseated I thought I’d pass out. I put it in “nurse mode” though – kept it together and did my best to be calm, collected, in control, and helpful. I even found myself helping the cleanup guy get glass out of the way. Yeah, I was a little out of control. I even followed the girl into the Mall to make sure her boss was going to let her go home. Then I calmly drove home and fell apart.
All I could think of was that I could have harmed this girl (not likely considering we were driving at parking mall speeds) and that I shouldn’t be driving. I didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want to deal with it, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. Thankfully I have friends and family who understand my specific brand of crazy and can talk me out of my tree when necessary.
I’m feeling more secure now, have driven a couple of places, and will be taking my car to the body shop today. Really, at age forty-six, one accident involving more than just my car and with (thank God!) no injuries is not the end of the world.
One of my little “jump back on the horse” jaunts was to meet Dianna for lunch after story-time at the library. Thomas hugged me and said, “Angie, I’ve missed you!”. Mauve and Adam sat on my lap at the same time and Mauve dropped half-chewed food into my cleavage (it’s been a while since that’s happened). Rachel took great joy in telling me all she’s learned about snakes, especially after learning that I am horribly afraid of snakes and even looking at pictures of them scares me. Yes, of course she’d brought a book. Sometimes just hanging out with little ones is the best medicine you can get.
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